..and you're the unreachable star...

it seems like all I do anymore is work. and to make things that much more annoying now that I changed the (stupid) index card on the spinning balloon to say "119 days til balloonfest 08" I know I'm going to be here even more. By next month I will be pulling 6am - 8pm days- only difference - this summer I'm salaried so I won't be happy about it.

Last night: This Is Ivy League at the Knitting Factory. Amazing. I didn't doubt for a second it wouldn't be good...I just didn't let myself count on it being AS good as it was. The only real drawback was the blonde chick in front of me who seriously almost got my beer all over her when she and her drunk friend wouldn't shut up. Obnoxious drunken behavior = not cute. remotely.
The New Jerk Times were highly entertaining as well. Too bad most of the kids in front of the stage looked like they'd rather be anywhere else. Apparently they  missed the memo that (should have been issued and) said "tonight's music will not sound even remotely like Cobra Starship". I actually heard a girl near me turn to her friend and ask "When are they gonna sing?"
The Mood wasn't bad. The Knitting Factory tends to have really shitty mixing every once in a while so I bought the fairly cheap CD to give it a spin and see how I like it when everything doesn't sound mish moshed together. My problem during their set was that if I didn't see the keyboard on stage I wouldn't know there was one. Same with the fact that they had 2 (possibly 3 I was at a band angle to see) guitars on stage and it sounded like there was one really loud guitar. If you have that many intstruments you need to differentiate so that it doesn't just sound like a lot of noise.

Let's see what else happened last night...finally met (however briefly) an internet 'friend' whose opinion on various matters I actually respect (firstcrush). Very cool chick. Got to say hey to a couple of other people I haven't seen in a while both before the show (it's amazing who you run into at penn station) and after the show. Still pretty sure Alex "hates" me (unless it's just my complete and total lack of overreaction around him that throws him off lol).

Just got final word yesterday that yes I will definitely be able to attend Bamboozle this year (yay for comp'd tickets. I'm so fucking broke it's not even funny) and I will apparently also be attending MCR at MSG (not so much with the comp'd tickets but my friend has fairly cheap tickets and her boyfriend can't go now). So yay for that.

It's now 10 to 11 and I have a stack of stupid busy work on my desk that I could probably do with my eyes closed. Supposedly we're getting an intern (from New Paltz who is majoring in Creative Writing...who majors in creative writing?) mid-may to take the stupid mindless stuff off my plate. At the same time - last summer I had almost nothing for our intern to do (except answer the phones - which is great 'cause I hate that) until July because if I gave the intern work then I had nothing to do then I got yelled at. "Researching pop culture and how it will effect our Festival" as an answer never really goes over very well.

So 119 days til the Balloon & Music Festival. Which means it is 134 days until the Seafood, Craft & Music Festival (this itty bitty festival my boss does on the side out east in Sayville -- good eats though). Which means it is about 143 days until I've been on salary for a year. And then I can say "Bossman, I need X amount more money (I'm shooting for a 10k raise...which will still put me damn near the poverty scale with all the loans I have to pay back) because I will be 25 this month and it's nothing personal but I can not afford this anymore" and when he says that there is no way he'd be able to do it (not even his decision ironically) I can say "ok...then just so you know I'm sending my resume everywhere."
And I shall do that. And I shall get a "better" job. Depending on the job I'd work for even less then I make now. I just hate this so much and I can't stand that I'm truly miserable 93% of the time I'm here. It sounds like mindless complaining but when you spend 80% of your day: playing mediator between your boss and the only other person you work with, typing dictated emails, doing no free thinking work and the 20% of your day answering the phone or twidling your thumbs TRYING to look busy you'd be ready to scream too.

So yea - This Is Ivy League. get the new CD. They're good dudes. and if you're on buzznet chances are you know this and you've bandwagoned already.

did I do something in a past life?

on one hand I get to say "this year at the balloonfest we will have the music of...Aerosmith, Queen, Steely Dan, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, The Allman Bros...and more..."
on the other hand I am in tribute band hell.

All because it POURED on Friday last year and Joan Jett just doesn't sell tickets like she used to -- combined with The Black Crowes bending us over for $125k and then cancelling for the Saturday -- and Pat Benatar causing a near riot by refusing to play until the seats were filled. It's a GA festival lady.

I'm starting to doubt my career decisions. It's 5:40pm. It's a Tuesday. I'm essentially shackled to my desk with nothing to do...yet I can not leave.
All I want to do is leave, drive 10 minutes, purchase Darjeerling Limited, swoon over Adrien Brody, Jason Schwartzman and the amazingess that is the brain of Wes Anderson...and maybe watching American Idol later.
Is that too much to ask?

But NO. Dave heard me saying I couldn't wait to pick up a copy of the movie and goes "oh..change of plans we're working late now."

fuck.

So I know I'm probably going to get ripped apart for this....but....I can not stand them.

As though I needed another reason to dislike this overrated band...bolded parts are the most "cringe worthy" to me.

link to article: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7226757.stm
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Turning youthful energy, emotion and attitude into passionate, melodic heavy rock, US band Paramore are rising fast.
Fronted by the flame-haired Hayley Williams, the Tennessee quartet have been nominated for best new artist at the Grammy Awards and are in the middle of a sold-out UK tour.

Lead guitarist and songwriter Josh Farro, 20, talks about their fanatical crowds, their Grammy plans and their Christian beliefs.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: How is the tour going?

A: It's going unbelievably. We've been to Manchester and London and both have been about 4,000 kids a night. We're having a blast. The gigs are full of energy.

Q: What do you have that fans relate to?

A: We're pretty young, and all of our fans are pretty much our age and they can relate to us pretty well.

Also a lot of our songs give kids our age hope. Even if the songs aren't very uplifting - they may be about a tragedy in life or something - kids relate to it and think "wow, I'm not the only one that goes through this".


Q: Who is your average fan?

A: I would say the average is probably about 16 years old. Most of the time it's a girl, and if it's a girl she's got red hair and wears skinny jeans and hoodies and studded belts. Just like Hayley.

Q: Who are your musical heroes?

A: As a band, probably Jimmy Eat World, the Foo Fighters and we love Muse.

Q: What first inspired you to pick up a guitar?

A: At about age 13, my dad was teaching my older brother how to play guitar and I was pretty curious. I wanted to learn as well.

I watched him teach my brother, and then once they'd walked out of the room, I'd pick up the guitar and try and figure it out on my own. Since then, I've fallen in love with it.


Q: Your younger brother Zac is on drums - did you think about forming a band with your older brother too?

A: No - when we first started playing it was when Hanson was pretty big. We didn't want to be Hanson.
I really wish he had completed this sentence and stated WHY they didn't "want to be Hanson"...'cause quite frankly, musically none of them even come close to Hanson's ability.

Q: You've just had a day off from the tour - what did you do?

A: We had a Sunday roast, which was amazing. And we went to Oxford Circus in London and shopped because we needed to find some clothes for the Grammys. We all found some nice stuff, mainly in Top Man. That's our favourite store over here. I bought some black pointy dress shoes for £50.

Q: Are you going to wear them to perform at the Grammys?

A: We're not performing, but we are performing at a couple of shows around the Grammys. A couple of days before, Timbaland's throwing a party and we're playing a couple of songs there.

Q: You're up against Amy Winehouse in the best new artist category - are you a fan?

A: No I am not. I just don't like her music, I don't think she's very good and I think she's a drama queen. She makes artists look like divas, which some are, but her head is in the wrong place. If she's an artist she needs to be about the music, not about always trying to get attention. I don't really like her either...but she IS very good.

Q: How do you have fun on the road - are you well behaved or debauched?

A: We're pretty well behaved. We don't really party or drink. It's not really our thing. On the road, we like to hang out and watch movies together. Especially over here in the UK, we like to go sightseeing and see the countryside.

Q: How important is your faith to your music?

A: Our faith is very important to us. It's obviously going to come out in our music because if someone believes something then their worldview is going to come out in anything they do. But we're not out here to preach to kids, we're out here because we love music. We do believe that God has blessed us with an opportunity to be in a band and tour the world and we're going to use this gift to the full potential.

Q: What are you more interested in - Super Bowl or Super Tuesday?

A: What's Super Tuesday? [The big round of primaries for the US presidential election.] Oh, Super Bowl all the way. Go Giants!
fucking moron. way to be a tuned in role model for teens today. "What's super tuesday?"

Josh Farro was speaking to BBC News Entertainment reporter Ian Youngs. Paramore's new single, Misery Business, is released on 11 February.

just a few quick things completely out of order--- I don't really care enough about the awards this year to put on a full "review"

- Album of the Year: HA FUCKING HA! Amazing. Herbie Hancock is one of the great jazz pianists of our time - combine that with the beautiful music of Joni Mitchell and yes Album of the Year. Fuck the addict and the egomaniac.

- "I just got an award from a Beatle....has that happened to you yet Kayne" - Vince Gill fucking rules all just for that.

- Alicia Keys. Beautiful....John Mayer is sex on two legs when he plays a guitar. But seriously? That's it? That's all I get? A medely woulda been nice...or just doing Lessons Learned - more Mayer damnit. (the boy is going to go disappear and record soon, I gotta get what I can)

- Justin Timberlake needs to get his ass into the studio and record a new album and stop milking Future Sex/Love Sounds. All four other songs nominated for Male Pop Vocal were better songs then "What Goes Around..."

- speaking of awards -- hey RIAA - Where were the fucking awards? SOME of us actually care about those rather then a 2 hour "concert" and commercials.

- And Rhianna won soley for production from Jay-Z thank you very much. The fact that girl even has a career scares me.

- I don't care if you ran over CBS...you don't cut off The Beatles. Ever.

- Amy Whinehouse (errr...Winehouse) winning Record of the Year (she won so many I forgot which one it was) and having that "Jaw on the Floor - I don't Effing Believe It" moment was truly amazing. I'll give her that. Most honest reaction ever. Maybe tonight will be enough of a kick in the ass to get her shit straight.

- Beyonce. Tina Turner.  On stage together.  I may puke.  Legend and a hack job. a hack who was lip synching freaking spoken word no less. lame.

- Daughtry won nothing. Thank you. Considering how they tend to just hand the little record players out now-a-days I'm very glad the wanna be Ed Kowalczyk didn't win shit. Let him have his AMAs (the award that proves the general music buying public are morons) - keep him away from the grammys.

- Foo's. Nuff said.

- Kayne - STFU. You're overrated. I'm sure you're a very nice (if by nice I mean egomaniacal and narcissistic) person - but musically, you're overrated.*

- Jerry Lee Lewis. Little Richard. John Fogerty. My inner child of the 1960s is having a party right now.

- Everyone who is bitching about the Album of the Year over on ONTD needs to school themselves with music history before opening their mouths.**

- Who dressed half these people?

- Josh Groban can call me now. And sing me to sleep. His cover of 'America' please. Thanks.

Full on jealous "rage" over here as one of my best friends was at the ceremony and is now hanging out at the RIAA party while I am sitting here in NY "enjoying" 7am office call times. Staff meetings. and fucking telephone standby jury duty this week.

sleep now. Will re-watch and possibly add more comments late.

 

 

*I mean no disrespect towards his speech for his mom. It's everything else that makes me want to claw my eyes out.
**most of them just shouldn't open their mouths in general. ever.

is a carefully constructed illusion. built precarious piece by precarious piece. held together with hope, a little bit of dream and a whole lot of experience in lying to everyone around me.
sort of like a house of cards...it looks really stable, but one slight breeze as light as a whisper and it'll all come tumbling down.

This is me lately.

So...recently I've started getting "into" John Mayer.

Now - I've always really really really liked his music. But I was never a so-called fangirl. I didn't follow his career beyond "oh new album/tour/etc" or reading one of his blogs if I stumbled across it (and whatever I couldn't avoid because of the whole Jessica Simpson thing).
But recently, I've felt a need for a "break" from certain "fandoms" because of the people that populate it...so I've started more closely following John Mayer -- and lemme tell you: for someone who is a ridiculously good musician -- his fans have some pretty crap taste.

Most of the fans I've seen around the internet (like the hardcore fans) seem to be also really really big fans of bands like Nickelback.

John Mayer....Nickelback.  Somehow, I don't see the connection. (Admittedly I don't know why anyone would like Nickelback to begin with) -- I could understand Dave Matthews (and I don't like DMB, but I'd at least "get it") but Nickelback? ugh. ew.

perfect way for me to lose all respect for anything you ever have to say about music: say you like Nickelback.

I wonder if it's possible to die of a broken heart? I see all this whining and bitching and complaining (things I do as well) on here and I laugh it off...or roll my eyes...or agree with it. And then things happen that really catch you right between the eyes.

I grew up learning how to stop seizures brought on by alcohol consumption. How many 6 year olds know to stick a popsicle stick in between their mothers teeth and stick a pillow under her head? But hey...by the time I was 10 she was sober. So yay for that.  Now I just had the weird mom everyone knew USED to drink.
Fast forward 14 years later -- she's drinking again. But she's stopping and she's only drinking 'cause she's depressed from detoxing herself off prescribed pain killers her doctor basically just kept giving her for the last 9 years. (ah the gift that keeps on giving)
Fast forward to tonight...neurotic behavior...wayyyy too helpful...slight slur...I happen to be in her bedroom and what is sitting in the trashbin - a mikes hard cranberry.
Ironically the first thought I had was: The woman who used to drink a 6 pack of beer by noon is drinking girlie drinks?
And then what I was seeing fully processed.
Growing up with a recovering alcoholic I've been to more AA meetings then I can count. I used to play in the church basements with other kids whose parents brought them. And while I didn't ever really truly pay attention subconsciously I learned things. (after all if you hear the same thing over and over enough it sticks)
And despite the "strong discussion" (as god forbid my grandparents hear what I found out) we had -- I am more hurt then angry. But when she started making excuses for why she's doing this (including how she's worried about my weight and it causing me diabetes eventually -- hi I'm only about 15-20 lbs over where I should be and yes I know this) I flipped. Because there is one thing I do remember --- powerless over your addiction you may be but we don't make excuses for the behavior and we accept it.  Hell -- one thing I've actually lived by for as long as I can remember is the serenity prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
It might sound hokey as hell but I've always had a certain respect for those words and knowing how to apply them to my life.
I see so many spoiled kids. Kids who have this sense of entitlement to them. Kids who honestly hate me (yea they do). And I want to scream at them: My Life Sucks!
I've had people tell me that my life is perfect..etc etc. and I laugh at them.
For example -- I'm going to see Cobra Starship on Friday in NYC -- and I have 2 guest list spots and no one to go with me as most of my friends are currently in LA at the NAMM conference. So I asked if anyone wanted to join me and I got told that I was being braggy about having the guest list spot. WTF?! Free concert. ugh.

ya know --- part of me wonders if she's doing this because she knows it'll be enough to stop me from applying to school in Chicago. Hell -- it's enough to make me not apply to school at all. Because despite the fact that I'm 24 -- I still have that 6 year old inside me who is running around in circles freaking out because Mommy is going to get sick. I now start to worry about things like money, bills on the house, the fact that my grandpa is getting really sick (THIS should be what stops me from looking at out of state schools), my grandma is going senile, my uncles/aunts don't help out at all, my car is fucking busted (and I'm trying to squash a panic attack over the fact that I'll be getting a call from the tow truck company at around 8am to pick it up).
I truly hate my life. Truly.
I absorb myself into TV shows/books/movies to give myself even the briefest escape into a world that couldn't possibly exist in reality. I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling and wonder when Seth Cohen, John Carter, Dean Winchester or Harrison John is going to swoop in and take me away from all the bullshit.
Then I wake up and realize that I got delt a really shitty hand of cards and its a fixed deck.

whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

If anyone cares.
Works been ridiculous. We are worried about still having jobs in a few months.
For serious.
adam brody is amazing. I knew that before this...but I also just saw 'in the land of women' last night. And if anyone wants to basically cut him out and hand him to me I wouldn't complain.

Off to see ms. Kristin.

First day of "Christmas Vacation" - ironically I never thought I'd ever say that again once I graduated from college. Apparently we still have them as adults as long as you don't work in retail.
My office is entirely closed until January 3rd. (Although I'm expected in for at least a few hours next Wednesday or Thursday to tie up some lose ends on a few contracts)

So far, I've done absolutely nothing except take 4 hours to get ready. It was fabulous. I didn't do anything special--- I just let myself be lazy about it.  Watched the finale of the Next Great American Band that I Ti-faux'ed last night - and was thrilled to see The Clarke Brothers won (since Dot Dot Dot got eliminated they were my favorite - not a huge country fan personally, but I enjoy musical talent and passion for music and those guys have it). 

Plans for Today: mani/pedi before Christmas - my one indulgence considering how broke I am right now.  Getting the air in my tires checked since I'm driving to Brooklyn tonight.  Heading over to Colleen's to pick her and Hobart up around 5pm.  Driving into Williamsburg for Col's graduation diner at FoodSwings and then being DD and taking them to a bar to celebrate (why we have to be in Brooklyn for the bar portion is beyond me - I'd much rather come home here to LI so I don't have to worry about lugging drunks around in my car for over an hour drive in holiday city traffic).  Needless to say I'll probably bring a book with me. 

In work news (which means music news for people who actually pay attention to me) - I'm 85% sure at this point we'll be working with either Live Nation and/or AEG Live this year.  That should make the lineup come August incredibly interesting.  We're already throwing around major major names based on who's releasing albums in '08 and will be touring in support of them this summer (and it was dark blueeee...darkblueee....). 

Still no word on Bamboozle headliners and I need to know that before I decide if I'm buying that $244.00 golden ticket.  The "VIP" bathrooms/lounges personally are enough for me to buy it no matter what ('cause I'm definitely going) but I might wanna buy 2 so that Kristin can go with me (it's no fun to have ONE pass like that and have everyone else you're with have regular tickets). At the same time though I need to find out if there is anyway I can get guest list...'cause well...Free = better then paying for "VIP" treatment (note the quotes. That shit is as far from real VIP as you can possibly get).
Umm...also - can we all laugh a little at the fact that MSI is playing Bamboozle.
Hobart and I had a discussion about this last night on our way to the movies.  We both agreed that it might be the most out of place band on the planet (considering the crowd BBoozle caters to).  But that we were both ridiculously excited to see LTJ (I just have to get Col & Hobart to go with me). 

ok....that's it for today.  I'll probably be gone til late tonight.

 

This is probably going to get cut off as I'm in the office and it's only a matter of time before my boss get's back but I wanted to get the start of my thoughts down...

Out of everything that could possibly be on the tops of people's minds today --- WHY is the biggest "news" cycle in music: Jamie Lynn Spears being Pregnant?

Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant. Jamie Lynn Spears came out and admitted it herself. Jamie Lynn Spears is actually showing great poise and maturity in the situation she has found herself in.
why is everyone bashing the hell out of Jamie Lynn Spears?
This is a child who arguably made a mistake and is taking responsibility for it - that's a hell of a lot better of a reaction then most 16 year old girls have when they find themselves pregnant (and yes it happens...the way people are acting you'd think no teenager ever got knocked up before).
She's not denying it, hiding it or even getting rid of it.  She's standing up and saying she's pregnant and she's going to keep it. Now maybe she should consider adoption - find a loving family who are at a place in their lives when they are capable of taking care of children. 
If ONLY to get the baby the hell away from it's grandmother.
However, at the same time - she's financially secure enough to care for this child. Even if she most definitely is not in a mental place where she should be having children. 
I know plenty of people who are teenagers who "manage" to raise their kids...it doesn't mean they should.
The kid made a mistake. However, the real problem is the damn mother.  What mother let's her 16 year old live with their 19 year old boyfriend? (the age difference isn't the issue as far as I'm concerned...child stars tend to be slightly more "mature" then regular teens as they experience much more then regular teens. Plus girls are more mature then boys anyway)
You look at Britney - a beautiful, talented (yes I said it) young woman who had the world in front of her....and now look at Jamie....and you can't say that there isn't a big red flag that screams: "STAGE MOTHER!"

Confessions of a Back-Up Dancer was recomended to me. I'm going to read it, but my friend did - it's a book written anonymously and reads like fiction...however, reading it it is blatently obvious the only reason it was written this way was to avoid a defamation of character lawsuit.  The book is about Britney Spears and what it was like to work with her...and what she had to put up with growing up with Lynn Spears as a mother.  She was broken long before the breakdown unfortunately.
And now Lynn's done it again.
Hopefully, Jamie will continue to show the same kind of grace she has been since the statement came out and surprise the hell out of everyone by pulling through this in a mature and respectable manner. And thankfully she's on Nickelodean and not Disney. Nick issued a supportive statement. Disney would have dropped her reallllllly fast - so at least she (theoretically) still has the option to go back there when all the dust clears. Kid's actually kind of talented. If the Hollywood Press doesn't 'cause her to shoot herself in the foot she might pull through this just fine.

Now could we move onto something important and actually newsworthy please?

So....I'm actually in love with this video. a LOT.
However, I still don't have a real opinion on the song. I'm pretty sure it's going to become a runaway hit 'cause it's Ashlee. But, at the same time it's wayyyy too styalistically 80s for my personal tastes. I like 80s music as much as the next 80s baby, but I prefer hair band metal to the synth pop sound.

Video isn't mine so I'm not embedding it -- go here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1_KpDbZGIg

Went to angels and kings tonight. Saw everyone except 1 person who didn't show up (that I actually know). Pete apparently knows me better then I know him - cause he scared the crap outta me by grabbing me when I wasn't paying attention as he was leaving. Holli got jipped outta singing. Travis seriously either almost came realllllly close to spitting on me or puking on me. I'm not sure which. Fake british models who hail from utah are strange. Why am I not a creepster who hangs all over these bands to 'make friends' (oh yea, I have morals)
Went to the double down after. Actually I'm there now. I want to go home.
I'm sober now...but super tired. 15 minutes before I need to leave or be stuck in nyc til 4.

There are certain topics I tend to avoid on here - I'll talk about work, play and everything but I never really discuss my home life on here.
There's a reason for that. However, after tonight my response to that is: fuck it.
I grew up an only child in a single parent household. My mother was an alcoholic...although I suppose the correct term is, 'is' as you never stop being one.
I grew up pretty normal. Despite the obvious. Although, back then I thought that was normal.
Mom got sober by the time I was 10.
I'm 24 now.
Just shy of the 14 year mark my mother tells me tonight she's been drinking again for the last 3 months.
I then got yelled at for being angry. Instead of more mature and helping her.
I forgot about the rationalization part of this disease. I guess I was too busy flashing back to seeing her passed out when I was 6 and having to make dinner to realize I was supposed to be supportive of this new development.
Someone once asked me what my biggest fear was. I always say 'clowns' or 'being on stage' or something of that nature.
I lied.
I'm living in currently. Right now. In stereo surround sound.
I'm scared of moving forward. I can see down the line and it isn't pretty. Immediately I started questioning goals and plans. School? Work? Friends?
I feel like I'm 6 years old again and my life revolves around 3 things - the tv, school and making sure my mom is sleeping on her stomach.
Sure we haven't reached that point yet and god help me if we do...but I don't want to be the parent again. I can't do it.
I'm 24 and I feel like I'm 50 half the time simply from my own past. I'm supposed to be a dreamer not a realist, but I don't know how to get out and be that person anymore.
Its like Alice Through the Looking Glass and the Jabberwocky is gaining on me.
Metaphors over.
Its 2am and I'm still awake cause my heart just got dropped and dented just the way she knows how.

first off...
Callan - my blog about the rest of the tour is coming. I promise.

---

the point of THIS blog is basically: I am completely over OCK and Fall Out Boy "fandom".
Don't get me wrong - Vegas with the OCKs was amazing - I love the band still and everything. I'm just over the fucking bullshit.
To be honest - I have no idea why I even joined that stupid club. Hell, I didn't even do so til January when I finally said "eh...wtf. Got nothing else to do." I was always so busy in college that I never had free time to be "involved" in something else -- so after graduation when I was just working and doing whatever I decided to finally get around to doing it. Now I'm over it. 
I believe in fate, so I'm sure I would have eventually met the people I'm good friends with (because of OCK) anyway. 
That club is full of immature, jealous, hateful little twits. Sure there are exceptions to the rule...I woulda snapped far earlier if there weren't. I'm friends with some amazing people..unfortunately they don't seem to be in the majority.
There's also the lovely sideproject on livejournal - overcast_drama. It is on this site that I learned that I am apparently ugly and I am a namedropping bitch. Of course, none of the people that are posting these things know me (at least I hope they don't know me) and are posting them anonymously. Now I honestly do not give a flying fuck what anyone thinks or doesn't think of me. I also know I'm not a name dropper. Hell I barely post on those boards ever and it's usually revolving around "who is going to such and such show" or threads that have nothing to do with bands/music.
I don't claim to be friends with people I am not friends with. I also don't fucking stalk them like some of these kids do. If I happen to see (just as an example 'cause its what happens the most) Ryland and Alex of Cobra out and they recognize me and don't treat me like a creepy fan but rather someone they see out on occasion...not my fucking fault.  Apparently, these children do not realize that when you are an adult and you frequent establishments on a semi-regular occasion you tend to see the same people and its simple common curtousey to say hello.
My contrary side wants to start name dropping and telling random pointless stories of when I hung out with so and so and worked with so and so and saw so and so--- I figure if I'm going to be accused and bitched out about something I might as well do it. But I'm bigger then that.

ugh.

Saturday in Connecticut was amazing. Seriously.
I was 20 feet from Patrick, Joe & Pete....and well...Andy was further away but thats unavoidable. lol
Center Barricade. - totally worth losing all feeling in my feet/hands/etc.
That is the ONLY way to see a Fall Out Boy show and truly own it.  For 90 minutes I tuned out the fact that I was in an arena and just pretended I was back in a tiny dirty club style venue rocking out with 4 of my favorite people.
Amazing.
Even more amazing when Pete came up to the center to wave at everyone as soon as he came out. Stopped with a slightly shocked look on his face, got a BIG grin, pointed at me and waved.
(at the same time I dunno if that makes me creepy or not?)
He then dedicated "Chicago" to "the people right in front of me who I know have been around since the beginning" --- and I know they've  been switching up "Chicago" and "Homesick" during the tour but the fact that we got my favorite song of theirs made me so happy.

The only draw-backs to the show were: Cute is What We Aim For. The girl puking a few people behind me during Cute (not that I don't totally understand what with it being CUTE and all). The ridiculously wasted dude two people down from me who didn't seem to realize there were a LOT of people and not a lot of room...dancing and moshing is fine -- pushing over children is not fine.

I always forget how much I like the Plain White T's til I see them live. For some reason I can't get into their CDs but their live show is always really good.  Same for GCH.  I'm not a rap fan in the slightest and therefore have a hard time sitting and listening to the cds-- but they always impress me live. Plus it's funny to watch Matt play drums and get flashbacks to him at 18 sitting behind me in Freshmen Comp continuously making smart ass comments.

Today starts my few days of Fall Out Boy related revelery. I'm leaving at 1pm today to go into NJ to check something out with a few people.  If that is a wash (or I get a text from those who are going earlier that tells me it's a wash) I'm just going to head into NYC to go to the Sam Ash signing.
Ok...so the Sam Ash thing is up for debate because I'm sure there are nut jobs who are there already and have been there since 6 am and he's only signing for an hour...and to be perfectly honest --- I really don't need a random signature from Pete.  I might just sat screw it and go to AK tonight if Sarah comes up from DC early.

Tuesday/Wednesday - Young Wild Things in Philly & NYC respectively.
Wednesday Night - Partying in the Village with some of my best friends after the concert.
Thursday - dropping Callan off at Port Authority....going into work mid-afternoon.

Then I have a few weeks until VEGAS and the YWT stop there with the most amazing group of people ever.

and then we go back to the real world and my real life and how much that sucks.
But once all this is over I'll sit down and for real contemplate grad school. My mom made me agree to at least apply to schools in NYC -- but that means staying at home and never getting out and ugh. I really can not even begin to contemplate how much that idea sucks.

Ok....so apparently I was wrong. Tonight went really well turn-out wise. Still the least amount of people I've seen (and I'm cynical by nature soooo...yea) but at the same time one of the better readings I've been to.
And I got totes. and a Belt. so all in all it was a very good night. (anyone who knows me knows I live by tote bags. they are 10x better then purses)
Chris is always amazing. But the fact that I got to share it with three of my best friends made it even better. The only thing that would have been better would have been Ms. Callan attending as well.
First thing Chris said to me (well after "Hey!") was to ask me if I did something different with my hair 'cause it looks a lot healthier.
A) lol. that's kind of scary that he remembers me that well now.
B) I stopped dying it. Maybe there really is something to my mom's theory about my natural hair color being the "best look" for me. (I like it dark damnit!)
C) I personally think it looks like shit as I haven't gotten it cut/shaped in 3 months and it looks all shaggy...and not in a cute bob way. More like "oh hey, let's bend every which way 'cause Bridget's hair dryer broke and only shoots cold air currently so I'm not going to dry properly anymore". (That was my hairdryer talking if you were wondering)

Tomorrow morning I'm up at 8am (blah) to shower/get ready...go get a manicure (yes I'm a girl sue me) and then drive all the way to Bridgeport, CT to see Fall Out Boy.

Is it bad that I'm not that excited?

Seriously, I can think of about 10 other bands I'd rather be seeing tomorrow night. They're my favorite, hands down. But for some reason I'm very unenthused about this show. I'm super psyched to be seeing them with some of my best friends ever next Tuesday/Wednesday (and then in Vegas when all the OCKs fly out) but I'm just not that jazzed on the idea of the SHOW itself.
I don't think I'm outgrowing them. I just think I despise arena tours.
Give me a good old fashioned club/theatre tour any day of the week over big arenas.

Btw: this means Cobra isn't allowed to get famous and TAI has to stay exactly at the level of fame they have now. Take back the MTV exposure! kthanx.

That's it.

more on the YWT tour tomorrow when I'm back, and my CS pics will be up then too.

this past month or so has been uber-hectic which is one of the main reasons I haven't been around much. I've had work, shows and decisions to make non-stop.

Work: is work. I really can't say anything else about that. I should love my job...and I do in a weird way. I mean - who wouldn't love being one of three people involved in executing a major summer music event?
My dream is (as most people know) to work in management (music, obv. not just at a store or something --yes I've had people ask me to clarify this)--- but this job now doesn't exactly suck. ya know?
Only that it does. My boss is overbearing (I can deal with this), neurotic (I can deal with this too) and treats me like a moron (THIS i have a problem with). He is convinced he is the only person who knows how to do anything. Resulting in Brian (my co-worker and sort of other "boss") and myself sitting around and being spoken to like we are 4 and 6 not 24 and 26. One of these days we are going to remind Dave that he hired US for a reason -- and not the hundreds of others who applied for our jobs.
Brian because he has years of experience working for Dave - he started as a bus boy at 15 and wound up managing his club for him by the time he was 19 years old until it closed in '05.
And me, because I don't mean to brag - but I am the best at what I do. I take direction well, I'm a very quick thinker, I think outside the box and I don't take bullshit from people.

10/26: Nokia Theatre - Sleeping with Giants. The first of two shows I got to go to. This was a really fun night - I had M&G (of which no one will see the pics cause they came out god awful) which was cool...not that I haven't met TAI about 50 bagillion times. Which is great - cause it means they appreciate their fans.
Nothing really else to say about this one other then it was a good set.

11/07: The Crazy Donkey - Sleeping with Giants. I have a unhealthy LOVE of this venue. Mainly because it's 7 minutes from my house and one of my friends is the stage manager there. Makes for nice and convienant shows. I didn't get to "meet" TAI at this one 'cause Jack recgonized me from NYC and said I couldn't go (Thank you artist arena for being asses with their rules). I did however still have an incredibly amazing time.
Honestly, I spent most of the show outside smoking and drinking with Cobra's merch guy Dan, Marc from Patent Pending and my best friend. It was cold -- but if it meant I didn't have to listen to screaming girls, The Rocket Summer or Sherwood I was cool. Armor is pretty good too but I've seen them a lot and really didn't need to see them again. Instead I stayed outside and finally got to meet Cobra (which I will put pictures of up as soon as they get emailed to me from my friend's camera--and side note: new cd is so fucking amazing). I spent all the TAI's set with Nate (from Cobra) and Marc which was amusing 'cause I'm pretty sure there is nothing funnier then watching two dudes air guitar to "Everything We Had" just becuase I made a crack that it was "such an 80s hairband song". I also got an "invite" to some acoustic/signing thing tonight in Jersey (like everyone was getting told about it) from Nate but I already have plans...

11/09: Panera Bread, Bohemia - Kamikazi Goose Tour. If it's actually being called this. Going to go hang out with Chris (deadxstop) and eat yummy goodies and listen to fun stories that I've probably heard a billion times. Honestly, I'm very nervous about the turn out tonight because tbh Long Island sucks. I'm really hoping I get proved wrong.

11/10 – 11/13 – 11/14 – 12/02: Young Wild Things Tour. More on this to come.
SO excited. Best friends + Favorite Band = Best Hangs Ever. (even if I’m forced to listen to Cute is What We Aim For)

got a phone call today at work from someone who legally shouldn't be able to contact me ever again.
this is crappy. unedited. and spur of the moment.
don't even know why it's up here.

--------------------------------------------------------

You see,
I'm over you
I'm over being over you
full circle never meant as much
as it does now

You see,
I can't let you in.
I can't let myself feel again.
I hated hating you,
but this apathy is worse.

You see,
You were oxygen.
I needed you
much more then
you ever needed me.

You see,
You're a shadow
I've forgotten.
I don't can't won't
remember.

You see,
Everytime
Every single time
you touched me
I died.

You see,
I can
I can hate you again.
I just don't want to.
I'm better then that.

I got to the office a little early this morning and decided to do some recon.

I think I finally figured out how to get people to "pay attention to me" on buzznet---apparently all I need to do is put: "I have shit to say" or some variation of it in my profile. and voila...I'm "important."

thank god I never did that.